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Have just come out of a client deck review. Despite the name, it has nothing at all to do with shipping, the 'deck' in question being industry speak for presentation.
I have a big presentation coming up with a colleague, Carl. I think it is fair to say that Carl likes PowerPoint, I mean, he REALLY LIKES PowerPoint.
In the good old days BPP (before PowerPoint) you knew in advance how your day was going to turn out in a deck review because the presenter would walk in with a stack of paper or Acetate slides under his arm. Immediately you could tell whether it was going to be endurable or not. Best Case scenario would be 20 slides. This is best case but also fantasy case because NEVER in the history of Consulting has there been a 20 slide presentation. Consultants talk of them but only in folklore - "Yeah, at my mate Guy's firm, they have a policy of 20 slides or less" or "I once went into a pitch with 2 slides and got the gig". Beware anyone who tells you such things, they are dangerous fantasists and not to be trusted. Best case scenario could also, surprisingly, be more than 100 slides, this because it meant you would have plenty of time to call your bookie on imaginary toilet breaks, plus there would almost certainly be sandwiches.
Nowadays, we have thumb drives, which, although technologically marvellous, give no clue as to whether sandwiches or Turf Accountant consultations would feature in your day.
So today we were treated to a 'Carlathon'. Hours of inane turgidity, coupled with insanely unnecessary screen transitions ( after a certain time, the site of bullet points cascading unnecessarily onto the screen one at a time drives one to thoughts of suicide or murder - whatever would relieve the situation quickest!) I have known Carl for three years now and would say that, underneath it all, he is probably a nice man. Intense to the point of monomania, hideously intense, pathologically humourless, and the proud holder of a Master's Degree in the bleeding obvious, but essentially harmless.
The first two hours were taken up by 'Analysis'. Now, I am not saying there is no room for analysis, my industry is built upon it and our clients certainly need more of it (to protect themselves FROM themselves often) but there is analysis and there is 'Analysis'. Carl's brand is to (as mentioned before) state the bleeding obvious repetitively in ways that make you wonder if Carl is stupid or whether he just thinks you are, example "Our client wants to increase sales" - No?, Really!?
The fun dimension to this is that the client himself has a penchant for retaliating in kind. We are now having an email 'Slide Blizzard' where the client's slide changes and Carl's changes to the changes are whizzing through cyberspace but not, regrettably, colliding with each other and sinking into the ether. (Why do they call it 'Ether' - is it because so much of what is done on it sends you to sleep?)
Carl has just said he has some some more thoughts (more? I don't seriously think he has had ANY yet) and that we should "pull an all-nighter" to "put this baby to bed". Does anyone know if Bookies are open 24 hours?
I have a big presentation coming up with a colleague, Carl. I think it is fair to say that Carl likes PowerPoint, I mean, he REALLY LIKES PowerPoint.
In the good old days BPP (before PowerPoint) you knew in advance how your day was going to turn out in a deck review because the presenter would walk in with a stack of paper or Acetate slides under his arm. Immediately you could tell whether it was going to be endurable or not. Best Case scenario would be 20 slides. This is best case but also fantasy case because NEVER in the history of Consulting has there been a 20 slide presentation. Consultants talk of them but only in folklore - "Yeah, at my mate Guy's firm, they have a policy of 20 slides or less" or "I once went into a pitch with 2 slides and got the gig". Beware anyone who tells you such things, they are dangerous fantasists and not to be trusted. Best case scenario could also, surprisingly, be more than 100 slides, this because it meant you would have plenty of time to call your bookie on imaginary toilet breaks, plus there would almost certainly be sandwiches.
Nowadays, we have thumb drives, which, although technologically marvellous, give no clue as to whether sandwiches or Turf Accountant consultations would feature in your day.
So today we were treated to a 'Carlathon'. Hours of inane turgidity, coupled with insanely unnecessary screen transitions ( after a certain time, the site of bullet points cascading unnecessarily onto the screen one at a time drives one to thoughts of suicide or murder - whatever would relieve the situation quickest!) I have known Carl for three years now and would say that, underneath it all, he is probably a nice man. Intense to the point of monomania, hideously intense, pathologically humourless, and the proud holder of a Master's Degree in the bleeding obvious, but essentially harmless.
The first two hours were taken up by 'Analysis'. Now, I am not saying there is no room for analysis, my industry is built upon it and our clients certainly need more of it (to protect themselves FROM themselves often) but there is analysis and there is 'Analysis'. Carl's brand is to (as mentioned before) state the bleeding obvious repetitively in ways that make you wonder if Carl is stupid or whether he just thinks you are, example "Our client wants to increase sales" - No?, Really!?
The fun dimension to this is that the client himself has a penchant for retaliating in kind. We are now having an email 'Slide Blizzard' where the client's slide changes and Carl's changes to the changes are whizzing through cyberspace but not, regrettably, colliding with each other and sinking into the ether. (Why do they call it 'Ether' - is it because so much of what is done on it sends you to sleep?)
Carl has just said he has some some more thoughts (more? I don't seriously think he has had ANY yet) and that we should "pull an all-nighter" to "put this baby to bed". Does anyone know if Bookies are open 24 hours?
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