Posts
Kostas hails from a Mediterranean island, famously partitioned years ago and with a striking appendage coming off it - Italy!, no, joking, of course I am referring to Cyprus. When I was a kid, I used to think that Cyprus was shaped like a giant Rhino's head but now, with the clarity that maturity and age brings, I see that if you look at the map upside down (as if you were flying from North to South), you will find that Cyprus is in fact Syria's speech bubble (Google Map it, you'll see what I mean).
Anyway, it seems that Kostas has a money allergy, prolonged contact with the stuff burns his skin so to overcome the possibility of extended contact he has developed a coping strategy that we doctors like to call "spending every penny he's got" (and quite a few he hasn't got as well).
Where better place to scratch your retail itch than Dubai, famous for its huge Brand name designer Malls, its Gold souks and of course the 'knock off quarter' where counterfeit products come in various sizes, shapes and logos (tip for the first-time buyer, always go for 'Genuine fakes' they are so much better quality than 'Copy-copies').
So it was with some trepidation that I accompanied him on a trip to buy up North Eastern Dubai. We got a taxi (no mean feat in Dubai) and set off, I swear I could hear his wallet twitching in the cab.
You will have read that Dubai is constantly undergoing massive reconstruction and this is true. Just because a road is there when you set off from your hotel there is no guarantee it will still be there on your return. Rather like the staircases in the Harry Potter School Hogwarts that keep shifting, you can never guarantee that the route you took last time will be the one you take this time, consequently, even the Taxi drivers stop every 100 metres or so to draw chalk marks on the wall to help them find their way back! In fact, on this occasion, the traffic was moving so slowly that we were able to sketch watercolour City- scapes which we played in reverse to navigate home (rather like those huge cue cards they use in TV).
Finally we arrived at our destination and Kostas set about weaving his magic, in just five action packed hours he had emptied most of the stores into an ever swelling collection of bags. This was all fine and dandy, as I explained, Kostas likes a little retail therapy to calm his nerves, it was only when I saw WHAT he'd bought that I started to worry!
There. amongst the collection of Gucci bags, Montblanc Pens & Dolce & Gabbana belts was A CHAINSAW! I kid you not, an electric chainsaw. "Kostas" I said, slowly and deliberately, as if talking to the hard of thinking, "Why did you buy that?", the reply was instant (I should have seen it coming) "because it was there and it was a good price" - so there you have it, the Edmond Hillary approach to power tool purchasing. "How do you imagine you will get it home?" I asked, "Hadn't really thought about that" was the response.
This got me thinking about airline security, clearly there is no way they would let Kostas carry a chainsaw in his carry on luggage (even Ryanair wouldn't let him if he offered a fee) and most of us would say it is a good thing that carrying a chainsaw on board with you is frowned upon, yet here's the thing, it actually doesn't represent any danger, it only has a three metre flex!
Can you imagine the scene, Kostas as the world's most hopeless terrorist "Excuse me Stewardess, can you plug me in?, no up front please MUCH nearer to the pilot".
Anyway, astonishingly, he got it home without incident, he put it in his check in bags and it went through all the scanners without raising an eyelid. Perhaps most Cypriots travel with Power tools? perhaps it is another example of my cultural un-intelligence that I find it odd. Still, because it WAS a good price and because Kostas did not have to pay a surcharge/fine/Bail bond/Lawyer as expected, he will be acquiring money again now and the rash will be starting. I wonder if he will buy my Dubai City-scape watercolours?
